Its amazing how one word in a sentence can plant a million ideas in your head.
Throughout the first 33 years of my life I have had to overcome a fair few challenges.
As a baby I had clubbed feet, a dislocated hip and a ‘hooked’ wrist. A few corrective surgeries later my feet were straightened. My hip could wait, honestly what would a 1-week old need with a new hip.
As a toddler I couldn’t crawl. Partly due to my legs being set spread eagled in a Stirrup Cast. This didn’t stop me though, I learnt how to bum shuffle everywhere! My arse was always dirty but at least I got from A to B.
Later, as I began to use my new feet and hip, I needed #callipers to make sure my feet stayed in the position feet were intended to be. I also got given a splint for my wrist, which to be honest I hated, and it never really stayed on.
Skip to school and yet again my hip wasn’t playing ball. It had detached itself again from the ball joint! This time though #surgery wasn’t the answer. I was told if the surgery went ahead I may be confined to a #wheelchair permanently. So, I grabbed my mum’s hand and bum shuffled straight out of that doctor’s office.
My mum has always been my constant rock. Without her I wouldn’t be me! She never once told me I couldn’t do something and has supported me in everything I’ve done! I’ve never felt like I’m incapable of doing something I put my mind to and that’s all down to her. She’s given me confidence and independence to do anything and become anything, including being a #mummy myself.
My high school days arrived, and I remember having to visit the candidate schools. All the questions I wanted answers to were ready to be asked. I never wanted to attend an adapted school for disabled students, I just wanted to be normal, whatever that means. I was given a timetable of classes to test out how both me and the school would cope. After realising the right school had 2 floors and absolutely no lifts I was a little worried but very determined to make it work. I was very lucky as I had amazing friends at school who never once saw me as the disabled kid. I was just the fun one with an extra seat.
So, what comes next? I attended college as an art student, achieved AS levels and applied for university. Now I loved university, but something happened which to be honest I’ve never told anyone about. The tutors were very pessimistic about the choices we had made and basically told us to quit the course as we would never get a job in the art field anyway. Now tell me, if someone said that to you, would you carry on? I know I should have just ignored them and proved them wrong by making thousands of pounds and making cash angels and sending them the videos of me throwing the money in the air and making it rain, but I just couldn’t carry on. I hated the thought of me spending another 3 years doing something to give me a career which would apparently never happen. So, I left the course and never mentioned it to anyone.
The next phase of my plan included getting a job. That’s when the panic hit. How could I work if I couldn’t do certain things? What job could I do that wouldn’t make me ache even more than I did? The first place I tried was my local cinema. I knew if they gave me a chance I could adapt and make it work. The interview went great and the question of my disability did come up, but it didn’t seem to be an issue. About a week later I found out I got the job and started the following Wednesday.
During my time at the cinema I got my first boyfriend (who let’s just say I’m not with anymore), moved into my first house on my own and met my best friend who I am lucky enough to say I married.
My husband (Andy – aka The Dad Blogs) is another rock I couldn’t have done without. He’s never seen me as disabled, just differently abled! Which leads us nicely onto trying for a baby. After deciding to extend our family we began the long journey. If you want to read a little bit more about it here’s a blog, you can take a look at.
Once I became #pregnant it was a long ass 9 months, especially with no left hip joint! I suffered from the usual morning sickness, which let me tell you was not just confined to the morning! At about 20 weeks I suffered from Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) also known as Pelvic Girdle Pain (PPGP). Or as we knew it, GET THIS DAM BABY OUT OF ME NOW (GTDBOOMN). I hated being pregnant and I hated hating it. I was supposed to feel the glow and enjoy taking pictures of myself rubbing my engorged belly. No, the truth was I counted down the days until this little boy of mine would be out!
All of that though didn’t compare to the one sentence I received during the later months of my pregnancy.
‘How are you going to manage?’ That one sentence there finally did it. It finally made me feel disabled again! After years of feeling ‘normal’ I suddenly felt incapable. The panic hit me, and I suddenly thought ‘Shit!’.
One thing about me is you can knock me down, but I don’t stay there for too long. After a few days of tears and anxiety I came to a realisation. Its not about managing, its about being the best #mother I could possibly be to my little man! I'll ‘manage’ like every other god dam #mum out there manages!
People will always say things, maliciously or not. It’s the way you prove them wrong that will matter in the long run. I’ve had to learn like every other parent does. I’ve had to make adaptions to the way we do things. Believe me, pushing a pushchair while being pushed in a wheelchair is not the easiest thing to do. You know what though we’ve adapted! Charlie is the happiest little man I know. He never goes without and has a constant smile on his face, well 90% of the time he does.
Growing up with #Arthrogryposis has made me become a very determined, stubborn and adaptable person. People can always try to give you advice and help but it’s totally your call on whether to take that advice or do it your way! My bit of advice – Do it your way!